Understanding Grief: Why It’s Not a Linear Process
- Allison Seller
- Apr 24
- 2 min read
When someone we love passes away, we often feel lost in a wave of emotions. Many of us are taught to believe that grief comes in stages—and once we move through them, we’ll find closure.
But the truth is: grief doesn’t follow a straight path.
It's not a checklist or a series of steps to complete. It’s a journey—one that’s messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal.
The 5 Stages of Grief Are a Framework, Not a Rule
You may have heard of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages, introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, have helped many people make sense of their emotions. But they were never meant to be followed in order—or experienced just once.
In reality, you might feel deep sadness one day, a moment of peace the next, and then anger out of nowhere a week later. That’s completely normal.
Grief doesn’t expire. It doesn’t behave. It ebbs and flows like the tide.
So Why Isn’t Grief Linear?
1. Everyone’s Relationship to Loss Is Different
The depth of your grief often reflects the depth of your love. Losing a parent, a child, a partner, or a close friend all carry unique emotional landscapes—and everyone’s experience is shaped by personal history, personality, and circumstances.
2. Life Keeps Moving, and So Do Our Emotions
Grief isn’t something we “get over.” It becomes part of us. We may feel fine for a few days, and then a song, scent, or memory brings everything back. That doesn’t mean we’re going backwards. It just means we’re still healing.
3. External Pressures Can Disrupt the Process
Sometimes people around us unintentionally rush us:
“Aren’t you feeling better yet?”
“It’s been months...”But grief doesn’t work on a timer. The pressure to “move on” can actually delay or complicate healing. It’s okay to take all the time you need.
What Real Grief Looks Like
It’s crying unexpectedly in the middle of the grocery store.
It’s laughing at a memory and then immediately feeling guilty.
It’s feeling numb, confused, or even relieved—then wondering if that’s okay.
All of it is okay.
How to Support Yourself or Someone Else Through Nonlinear Grief
Give Yourself Permission to Feel
Allow yourself to experience whatever emotions come up—without judgment. There’s no “wrong” way to grieve.
Don’t Compare Your Grief
Your journey is yours alone. Avoid comparing how you feel to someone else’s experience.
Take Breaks From Grief
It’s okay to laugh, to enjoy things again, and to take moments where you’re not actively grieving. It doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten—it means you’re surviving.
Reach Out for Support
Whether it’s through grief counseling, support groups, or talking with someone you trust, connecting with others can make a big difference.
Final Thoughts
Grief is a winding road with no map—and that’s okay. There is no right or wrong timeline. No perfect way to mourn. No finish line you must reach.
What matters most is that you honor your loved one in a way that feels right for you, and that you give yourself the same compassion and grace they would have wanted for you.
💙 For meaningful ways to honor your loved one, explore our collection of memorial urns and keepsakes to cherish their memory.
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